This project is the beginning of a very new and interesting process for me...almost as new as writing a blog! Isn't this strange, me writing to a faceless 'you' that might not even be listening! Maybe thats why people like these, its so anonymous, but personal enough to feel some kind of katharsis (sp?)

I am compelled by the idea of having an imaginary self - human beings and the differences and similarites between them fascinate me, and I love the idea of almost building your own person, but without being random and meaningless. Drawing on real people and real behaviour patterns to create something unique, and yet wholly plausible.

My 'she' (as I have decided to refer to her) is in initial stages of 'life'.
Using traits and testemonies from people I know we have begun to build her up from the beginning, bringing in colours of other peoples reactions and behaviour.
We have talked a lot about the affects of only knowing one parent/losing a parent. I have realised there is a remarkable difference in having never known someone, and losing someone that you did know. Perhaps it's easier to love somone who has died if in life they were worth loving. How can you even have feelings for someone you've never known? Even if they were a biological parent or blood relative, is blood really thicker than water?
I can imagine resentment comes into it hugely - hopefully a parent that has died did not choose death, whereas a parent that is absent or left chose to do that. I am reminded of a quote from a slightly slushy romcom film 'P.S. I Love You' (not a highlight of my film taste!) One woman's husband has died, whereas her mothers husband left her. The mother says "...and its so much easier being abandoned by choice is it?" What is more painful? To say an eternal goodbye to someone who loves you and doesn't want to leave, or to be left by someone with the knowledge that they do not want to know you, but they are still alive and well..?